freak

do you know what my hatest subject is?

i thought i would do okay in this subject, well since the topic is about God and blah blah. (Sorry God, no disrespect intended) but you know...this subject takes a lot of my time at home. okay, i wont blame theology, i would blame the freaking prof.

the prof who gave me my lowest grade in the first semester. she gave me 2.00. frankly speaking, i feel that i dont deserve that grade. please. i got a 1.75 in zoo and my theo is only 2??? makes no sense since if you look at my quizzes and shifting grades, my theo is obviously much higher. and do you know what really pissed me off? a classmate of mine flunked some of her quizzes and has 9 absences got a 1.75? where is the justice in that? did she just dart our grades?

in high school, i got some grades that are not that high, like my 80 in 1st year math for example. but i have never gotten mad because i know i deserve it. but this? this is just ridiculous.

i shouldnt be ranting right now. but you know...i just want to crucify her. she gave us so many assignments on the first day. and we have to do this stupid project about getting information about our church. haha, like i have one. i thought it would be easy at first. i mean, st. stephen's parish is always there. but this prof had to announced that in must be near our house's vicinity. ha! i got something to tell you i-use-darts-to-get-your-grades prof, there is no church near our house. well, i dont know if you could count the iglesia ni kristo. i dont even know what kind of religion that is. and we can only reach that ?church? using a car. a 15 min. drive. yep, that's the nearest.

so yeah, i've thought of something. it's bad. it's a lie. but hey, im a bad person. im going to say that i live in quezon city in my aunt's house because she got a church nearby. i cannot say im only there for the weekdays because the i-use-darts-to-get-your-grades prof wont allow it. she said that we must really live in that place in either on weekends or the whole week. i cannot say i live in quezon city in weekends because it wont make any sense since my address in school records say im in valenzuela. so im just going to say that i stay in q.c. during school week so i can be nearer to ust.

great. why am i even exposing this to the whole world? sydney, keep this quiet okay? dont tell her or your classmates. if this reaches her....i dont know...

i'll probably just shoot myself in the head.

oh wait, we dont have a gun.

hmm..quite a dilemma

i can always stab myself with the kitchen knife...

but i might not die quickly...unless i stab my eye and penetrate the brain...but im not sure im even strong enough to do that...

poison and sleeping pills are not bad...but i might feel some stomach pain...

oh well

i can always jump off from the roof top of our building

and i'll probably end up in the news

and my whole family would be shamed.

since when did suicide become so complicated anyway?

um...why do i want to kill myself in the first place again?