i dont have a life

so i was blog stalking...and then i ended up in my blog...and i saw my blog...and i felt embarrassed for exposing to the whole world my sadistic nature...so i decided to post something again so people would stop seeing that...mortifying post.

so...what am i suppose to type?

my sem break so far, when not going out to parties from distant relatives and malling, is spent on watching ALIAS starring Jennifer Garner. we have a dvd from season 1 to 5 and right now im already in season 4. i always watch it in my parents room even though i cant open the aircon so it's really really hot in there. i just imagine that im in the sauna and therefore can shed some unwanted fats. i am so lazy that i dont watch it sitting but instead lying down. i feel like a pig sometimes.

last sunday we went to Uri Mart in Greenhills and my sister saw Jean Garcia. she informed my mother and i so we being chismosa, went to find her and left our father in the cashier all alone to pay the grocery. hahaha...we cannot be spies because we were so obvious. though i cannot look at Jean Garcia straight in the eye, my mother was bolder and more 'rude' that she looked at the actress from head to foot. luckily, Jean Garcia and her friends just ignored us.

when we left to find our father, my mother was asking us where do we think polo ravales is. according to my mother's "notes," jean garcia is about 5'4'' and she looks really slim and sexy. hahaha....mga chismosa talaga kami!

last saturday naman is the wedding of my father's paternal cousin's son. um..gets? haha. anyway, since the relation was so far, my siblings and i didnt want to come because it's quite embarrassing to come when we are so many. and the bride and groom are really more on strangers. but when we heard that the bride is the granddaughter of henry sy, we changed our mind and decided to go because we planned on "spying" on the filthy rich billionaire dude. well, i planned that. my sister probably planned on getting the attention of one of the Sy's. hey, you never know!

well, sadly, we didnt see the rich dude. he probably did not want to attend in fear of being watched by gossipy people like my family. haha...i told my sister na lang that we can have another chance when lj reyes marries. i told her that she better make sure she gets invited because the groom would probably be henry sy's grandson.

sorry ah..boring kasi buhay ko kaya inuusisa ko na lang buhay ng iba.

nag-aaway na naman si angel locsin at becky aguila. according to our equally chismosa yaya...nagsisisi na raw si angel locsin sa paglilipat sa dos. si becky aguila naman daw kasi ang may gusto nun. at nanganganib na rin si becky aguila kasi siya ang tinuturo na talagang nagnanakaw ng pera ni jennylyn mercado.

hay...life is good...

Can't Freaking Help It

i need anger management lessons.

what do you feel when you're angry? i feel like....wanting to murder. i feel that my anger is justified. though i know that it is wrong, i want to relish my anger. i want it to burn me...to control me...to make me do whatever i wanted to do...because i feel 99.9% sure that i would have no regrets in the end.

normally, i dont easily get angry. i only easily get angry with my family. especially my siblings. most especially my sister. even though her actions may seem innocent and harmless to others, i feel that she does things just to spite me. i feel that she enjoys seeing me suffer. she's just so...hate-able.

a while ago, while we were watching tv, i commented something the show have no logic at all and my sister told me to shut up and go complain to the network of the show. she said it in an angry way. i guess she was pissed because she cant hear what the tv actors were saying. but what she didnt know (because i kept quiet) was that i got really mad with her shutting me up. mad enough to picture myself stabbing her a lot of times. yes, im a sadist. think whatever you like, but im just being frank with my feelings here. and yes, im exposing the blackness of my soul.

i know, im being ridiculous. i mean, there are times that i also told my sister to shut up so it is only normal that she can also tell me to shut up too. but that incident really pissed me off. when i think about it now, my anger seems ridiculous, but my heart feels that my anger is justified. and the lingering anger i still feel right now pushed me to go down from the third floor and open the CPU just to post on this blog. i cannot wait for tomorrow. tomorrow, the anger will be gone. but of course, it will easily return.

ugh. i just hate her. sarap patayin!

when im angry, i talk to God. and i said the same thing always. "I hope you can understand Father why i have a difficult time being serious about being a REAL Christian. it's just so difficult." i know i should ask for God's Spirit to give me a forgiving heart, but i just can't force myself to say that for i know it wouldnt come from the heart. how could it come from the heart when i feel that my "ridiculous" anger is justified. that i feel that i have the right to be angry.

i should be sleeping now. i was so sleepy a while ago that nakaidlip ako sa isang commercial ng survivor philippines. after many commercials, i decided to wash my face so i stood up to get a towel. pagdating ko sa CR, nandun na ate ko. kita mo, parang sinasadya talaga. eksakto pa na kailangan ko ang CR tsaka siya papasok. grr...

siyempre, nagkaroon uli ako ng visions. this time, sinasakal ko siya. im not a person who likes saying bad words, but when it comes to her, i really cant help but explicit some swear words. that's how much effect she has on me. i know this is bad. knowing that she can easily make me angry shows how much control she has on me. BUT I JUST CANT FREAKING HELP IT.

im not sleepy anymore. that's why im typing right now instead of sleeping. how can you be sleepy when you feel that your blood is boiling?

hay, the irony of life. i just passed the First Aid training we did today and instead of having a helpful heart, i feel like murdering someone. a very specific someone.

yes, marunong na ako CPR and rescue breathing (mouth to mouth). medyo marunong na rin maghanap ng blood pressure. kaya ako inaanok kanina kasi maaga gising ko from last tuesday to this friday. 4-day standard first aid training kasi member ako ng red cross youth council.

pero yeah...i dont feel any achievement...i just want to kill...kill my so-called twin. lagi na lang may nag-aakala na kambal kami!

i wish i could just be angelina of bubble gang and just say "Whatever." but truth is, life is not a simple 'whatever.' life is actually...$%^&*

haha

hay naku, ayaw ko itsura ni edward sa twilight.

tanong nga ng kaklase ko bakit di na lang sila kumuha ng lalaki sa "the covenant" puro kasi pogi mga bida and kontrabida roon. well, i dont like the long-haired. pero okay mga itsura nila ah. di ko masyado type yun story pero i want to watch it again para panoorin lang mga gwapings. haha.

"_"

if im not insane, im a moron. i wanted to use the computer since last wednesday but i cant since i thought it was broken. well, it wasnt. the problem was because of one stupid plug that was well...wasnt plugged. i kept looking at the back of the monitor and CPU to find what the heck is wrong. turns out someone unplug the stavol.

now...what now?

i shall announce something very dear to my heart.

I DESPISE PROBLEM SOLVING!

geez, i thought i'll nver encounter it again after soriano. but oh well...at least it was the final lesson for this sem.

yipee. sembreak na!

im bored. oh well. sabi ko kanina ang dami ko sasabihin. pero nawala gana ko eh. haha.

im really insane

i had a crazy dream last night. well, this morning.

i dreamed that i was living in a dorm. i woke up one early morning and needed to use the comfort room. for some unknown reason, the dorm had no CR so i went outside. i walked and walked and passed beautiful gardens along the way. until i came upon a big white mansion. i went inside the mansion to use the cr. i thought the mansion was deserted but when i was already in the CR, i heard 2 women talking. i tried to escape but one of the women caught me. the woman happens to be the owner of the place. she didnt call the police or screamed at me to get out, instead she offered me a tour in her big comfort room. i saw a lot a miniature things made out of precious gems...mini luggage, mini cabinet etc...until the other woman called the owner the because of a phone call so i was left alone in the cr.

when the owner came back, she accused me of stealing. and the next thing i knew i was running inside a mall where cops were following me. i saw a man in leather jacket running in front of me and immediately i knew that he was the real thief. the thief kept on running so i followed him. suddenly, my heart was filled with so much anger for the injustice being done to me so i killed the man. i forgot how.

the next scene was inside a faculty room that looks like a court. am i making sense? i know it was a faculty room because it was filled with teachers. though i didnt recognize any of the teachers i know in my waking life. i was trying to explain my side that i didnt steal anything. no one wants to listen to me so i started crying. until a man and a woman asked me what was wrong. i explained my side of story. both of them were sympathetic.

i dont really remember the exact details that happened next. i remember being inside our house and my heart filled with anger and fear for my sister. i freaking dont know why. all i know was that my brain is telling me to protect my sister at all costs. then i saw the man who listened to me in court approached me. suddenly i knew that he wanted to kill my sister. so i killed him. for some unknown reason, i suddenly had the urge to take off the man's face. and i discovered that i didnt kill the man but my sister. then i saw the woman who was sympathetic. i told her to leave because it was a dangerous place but she wont listen to me. and suddenly, she was dead. the man who i was supposed to have killed stabbed her.

i asked the man why he was doing this. he told me that he was just avenging the thief that i killed in the first part. then i woke up.

the dream was very emotional. i experienced a roller coaster ride of emotions. though i dont know what could all these mean.

* what i've typed are not the specifics, since it was a dreams, i already forgot some details and are not sure of the exact details that happened.

oh by the way...

OUR PLAY SUCKED. kinuha ng 1PTA lahat ng awards!!

on the bright side, tapos na ang 2 naming finals. the play kasi is equal to our final grade in phil his and world lit. ganyan talaga pag tamad ang mga guro. haha.

naasar nga ako kay abenir eh. kasi minutes before our play, we (well, more on they) were all panicking and shouting and screaming at each other. i was the only one relax on one corner observing. that's why i saw our ever dearest phil his prof and class adviser watching us with a smile on his face! it seems like he's enjoying seeing our class panicking. kung di lang siya cute!

well, i shouldnt be angry on him kasi nakarma siya. okay, not really nakarma. im just being mean. last week kasi nahold-up siya sa FX. aside from the driver and 2 hold-uppers, siya lang ang lalaki. he was surrounded by female students kaya siya ang tinutukan ng baril sa leeg. totoo raw yun baril kasi malamig yun. nakuha sa kanya ang 2 cellphones niya. yun isa kakabili lang niya kaya wala pang sim card. buti na lang di nakuha yun cute niyang laptop na color green. haha. tuwang-tuwa kasi kami ng mga kaklase ko sa color green niyang laptop.

so anyway, yun day na na-hold-up siya, di siya pumasok sa class. yehey! yun socio prof lang namin ang nagkwento. medyo na-trauma raw si abenir kaya nag-ala-psychologist socio prof namin kay "marc." masyado raw kasi natakot si mark sa pangyayaring iyon. according to our socio prof, "Marc was thinking of his family and girlfriend and wondering if that was the end of his 24 yrs of existence when he was being pointed with the gun." well...

i wanna live..like animal...careless and free...

i told myself that i have a lot of new things to post, but now, i dont know what to post. hahaha...life's okay here...okay, except that i think i broke our printer. sorry dearest brother and sister. but im afraid you can't print using our printer. oops!

hopefully, i can convince a classmate to do the printing for me. let's cross our fingers.

ha! for the first time, i've accomplished making a powerpoint presentation. yes, it's just my first time now to really make a serious project. i know, i know, im a real moron. a moron who successfully created the presentation but failed to do the easier task of printing it. tsk tsk.

life's great......of the 5 subjects we're going to attend this friday, well...they all have quizzes. yes, every subject has a quiz. life is really wonderful!! my favorite is the circulatory system. it's so fulfilling to learn all the literally bloody arteries and veins. they're so many that i can't help but jump for joy!!

and what really made my day yesterday is the extraction of polly dolly's brain and spinal cord. her brain is so adorable, a little smash on one side, but cute nonetheless. and the spinal cord? oh...it looks...pretty...though i cannot really say because the ever-so helpful scalpel cut it. so im just going to pass polly dolly's adorable little brain...i wonder what my grade is going to be...why do i even care? i already passed zoo!! well, i passed the first two shiftings...wahahaha...it's not like the first time im going to flunk a practical...